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We know it’s difficult to comprehend, however some journalist have let slip over the last couple of days and revealed that Gers’ manager, Walter, is indeed in possession of a surname!.

Following horrifying performances for Gers’ in pre-season friendlies and Champions league qualifiers, the man known to all of Scotchland as “Walter” has finally said enough is an enough and adopted a surname; “Smith”.

The gaffer realised that it was time to adopt a second name and bizarrely chose the undignified, general hotel reservation sounding, surname “Smith”.

It is with interest that we note that “Walter” is now being referred to as “Smith” by the main stream Mhedia.

Happy new surname, Walter, eh… Smith!

P.S. Were Back!. We enjoyed our summer break in The Golden Last, Benidorm but are glad that the new

season is finally upon us.

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Like lovers, we’ve had our ups and downs, but we’ve always remained loyal and dare I say, faithful to each other.

No other club has ever tempted me, and I have never flirted with anything other than the imperious red, white and blue. There was that sexual buzz that I always got when entering Ibrox.

As I pushed myself forward through the turnstile and then instinctively mounted the terrace, I was almost overcome with the heady aroma of unwashed bodies, plus the sweat, bovril and mince pies which combined to provide a heady concoction which proved overpowering.

Lovemaking needs music and as Billy Shakespeare one said; “Let music be the food of love”. I would listen ecstatically as “Simply the Best” rang round the hallowed walls of Ibrox, save within its womb in the knowledge that it could never get any better than this.

Last Tuesday in Kaunas romance died forever, I have fallen out of love with my beloved Rangers. We have grown apart, the club is not like the beautiful lady I once knew. She no longer listens to me, before she had class and dignity now she looks and sounds like a cheap tart. The lady has become a whore, I will not be going back to Ibrox.

I want a divorce.

Original By Steve Clark

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Murray Park is a hard place to find, Auchenhowie on the outskirts of Glasgow to be exact.

Tucked away from intrusive gaze, this state-of-the-art complex, offers the club’s players the very best in training and rehabilitation facilities.

Of more importance to the club is the fact that it also bases its new youth academy at Auchenhowie - a move Sir David Murray, the club’s chairman believes will provide huge benefits for Rangers’ future.

“Rangers are no longer in the business of scouring Europe for the very best, though obviously we are still keen to pick up any bargains, if they are to be had. Equally, we will not be held to ransom by greedy footballers and their agents who are trying to extort money by demanding ridiculous salaries.

The emphasis is on youth, Scottish youngsters who know and share the club and country’s culture are the way forward. Were we to bring in a crop of young Africans, we would be taking a huge gamble plus we would have a nightmare scenario with visas and immigration regulations. The red tape is horrendous and quite frankly, not worth the hassle”.

Murray’s words are echoed by club coach Ally McCoist, who fully endorses the dynamic entrepreneur’s words.

“We signed Kyle Lafferty for one reason and one reason only, he is young, quick to learn and is full of potential. He is a long term investment and given time and patience, will repay the transfer fee threefold. He will learn from the likes of Kenny Miller who brings a wealth of experience to the club, hopefully they can feed off each other. The 2.75 million for Kyle was by Scottish standards a lot of money but we are confident that we will see a return on our money.”

It’s only when we start talking about the Rangers youngsters who are set to be unleashed this season, that I see a steely glint in McCoist’s blue eyes;

“Look, I am telling you here and now we have some awesome talent ready in the wings and this season they will burst through and create genuine excitement in the Scottish football world. For example, John Fleck, Steven Lennon, Dean Furman, Craig McShea, Stephen Forbes, Kyle Hutton………..the list goes on and on and on.”

It’s evident that the Rangers strategy is based on sound financial judgement and given time and a slice of good luck, they could well prove the template for other Scottish clubs to follow. Buying big name foreigners can be a case of hit and miss, but sticking with home produced talent makes much more sense in the long term.

By Darrell Kling

Original by Steve Clark

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It is clear that Celtic’s chief executive has been forced to pay way above the odds for what is obviously a player with loads of potential, but a history of bizarre temperamental behaviour.

This is clearly no angel Gabriel and yet the biscuit tin has been prised open to secure the signing of the man from Transylvania.

Bobo Balde, Celtic’s own version of Dracula has sucked the club dry to the extent, that he has been jettisoned by Lawwell in a last desperate bid to lower the wage bill. After having raped the Glasgow club down the years, there will be very few tears shed for the crude and at times brutal African.

Robert Mugabe is known to have been tracking Balde’s progress carefully with a view to offering him a job.

When we think of Romania, we tend to think of asylum seekers, beggars, immigrants, feckless foreigners, so perhaps upon reflection Celtic Park is the appropriate destination for the injury prone central defender.

With another Romanian Rat poised to sign, Celtic has sent out a clear message.

by Darrell Kling.

Original by Steve Clark

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Gers’ midfield ace, Lee McCulloch, looked extremely excited yesterday as he helped launch the team’s new home kit for 2008/9.

Lee said: “I’m a little teapot short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout“.

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Whilst the front page article on the official FIFA.com website heaps praise on Celtic Football club the author neglects to even mention the Glasgow club’s dubious connections with Irish terrorists and Nazi Germany.

“Unlike their great rivals, Celtic had never employed a sectarian signing policy, but Stein, as the club’s first Protestant manager, was nevertheless an historic appointment”. FIFA.com

Nor is there any mention of the fact that the main stand at Parkhead was build with the cheapest materials and is unlikely to pass a safety inspection from any council bar Glasgow City.

No one from the Federation of International Fenian Football Associations was available for comment.

Original Article Link

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Rangers Masters In IRA Shocker! Rangers Masters In IRA Shocker! Rangers Masters In IRA Shocker! Rangers Masters In IRA Shocker!

Photo: suttonsboot

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Their feelings would no doubt have been ambiguous, on the one hand pride at the accomplishment of their albeit less talented countrymen, and on the other satisfaction that they are in the vanguard of the Hispanification of Rangers football club.

Still feeling the pains and aches of a despicably extended season, both men would have no doubt had a wry smile on their face. Europe’s loss is Rangers gain, the mere fact that two Spanish aces were not put on view in the shopping window, has meant that Rangers have in fact saved millions of pounds. Inadvertently, the SPL more by accident than design have aided Rangers in their quest for more domestic and European glory next season.

Rangers supporters throughout the world can no doubt sleep securely in their beds, safe in the knowledge that their two Iberian aces will lead the assault on trophies and titles next year. Complemented with astute signings, Kyle Lafferty and Kenny Miller, it promises to be a bumper season for the men in light blue.

But behind the smugness, we see not for the first time the astute long term strategy of David Murray at play. It was David Murray who several years ago followed a similar strategy by enlisting the aid of several Dutch players. Then the Orangeification of Rangers took the shape of Michael Mols, Fernando Ricksen, the De Boer brothers and of course Bert Konterman.

David Murray sees the big picture, hence his disdain for parochialism and his insistence in scouring the European markets seeing trends before they happen. He knew Spain was the place where it was at years ago, so naturally he plundered La liga long before Spain finally achieved European glory. These are the actions of a visionary.

by Darryll Broadfeet.

Original by Steve Clark

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Alan Gow’s brief time at Ibrox will remain the highlight of a glittering career.

Gowser (born 9 October 1982 in Glasgow) made his way through the ranks from Airdrie to Falkirk before finally signing for his boyhood idols, Glasgow Rangers in January 2007.

Alan made his Rangers debut in a post-season friendly match against LA Galaxy at the Home Depot Center, coming on as a half time substitute for Nacho Novo.

After that his career bloomed and his first competitive match, was four months later when he played in a League Cup match against East Fife on 26 September 2007.

This was to prove the highlight of his legendary career at Ibrox. People still rave about his run down the left wing in the fifty-sixth minute leaving the East Fife full back, Wilkinson trailing in his wake.

Sadly Gowser could not maintain that level of excellence and was substituted in the seventy-fourth minute. He never recovered from the ignominy of being substituted by Filip Sebo and after a long illness and died of a broken heart

“Here Billy, buff up the brogues, we’ve a funeral to attend.”

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Meet Colin Stein - 46, from Bridgeton, spends his money on tickets for Ibrox , booze and skinny jeans, writes for SwallowSwallow in his spare time. He’s off to Benidorm with the family to have a good time, and you can join him in his weekly blog

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Mrs Colin Stein, my youngest and I are currently enjoying a wee week in Benidorm. Before we came the good lady made sure we packed our favorite holiday accessories, two Union Flag beach towels.

Each night they fly proudly from our balcony separated by the bairns Rangers towel. I observed some locals walk by, stop and stare at the display and then discuss it, no doubt recalling that momentous night in Barcelona in 72 or our more recent foray at Camp Nou.

Later, as we soaked up the rays poolside, I was approached by a chap with a cockney accent, who explained he was a Chelsea supporting serving soldier (Bear friendly I might add) and asked if the flag display was mine. I said yes, and he said he didn´t want to sound rude but that our beloved towels were sometimes flying upside down.

I thought he was being petty, but he explained he expected more from the Quintessential British Club and that it was that attention to fine detail that made us different from all the rest.

I was impressed that he was aware of the Quintessential mantle and I promised to make sure that the flags flew properly in future. Well the good lady actually did due to her being charge of that department.

Last night as I sat out on the balcony I watched my new Chelsea friend and his family return from town. He stopped outside my balcony, proudly saluted the towels and then carried on to his apartment.

A proud and satisfying moment for bares everywhere!.

More next week…… Colin.

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“Rangers were the team and always will be the team, with or without trophies. Aye ready is our motto because it defines what we at the shipyard were; aye ready to do a shift, aye ready to equip our navy in times of war, aye ready to stand up and be counted, aye ready to serve king and country.”

“Others in our midst were never ready, never ready to do a day’s work. Never ready to be proud of their country, never ready to defend our sovereign and support the forces.”

“Back then Govan meant work, it meant action, it meant Rangers. As you stood on the slopes of the Copland road, you were there as mark of solidarity and were making a statement about a way of life. Times were hard but we had a natural resiliance that pulled us through. Two things mattered more than anything, discipline and respect.”

“You would never dream of going out in the evening without putting a tie on and a clean white shirt, with an immaculate collar. Then the shoes, the shoes define the man. Follow the tried and tested routine.”

1. Spit on the shoes, then apply a rag to remove the dirt. Spit liberally. Work the rag hard until all evidence of dirt is removed. Then take a brush, not too long and not too short. Just use enough to cover the first few hairs of the brush, then slowly work the polish in, making small concentrical circles, gradually making them bigger. Cherry Blossom is without doubt the finest polish to be had. The very smell conjures up images of majesty and dignity.

2. Always use a shoe horn when fitting in, crushed heels tend to demean the leather and give a coarse effect.The tongues should be pulled up to the very limit.

3. The laces. The laces must be properly arranged otherwise all the hard work is undone in one stroke. NEVER use the lattice lacing approach and by that I mean the cris cross pattern which resembles the iron work on the Forth railway bridge. To achieve the correct result, think of Her Majesty’s forces. Laces go across horizontally thus ensuring perfect symmetry. Always black laces, even with brown shoes.

4. The sheen. If you cannot see your face reflected in the shoes, you have failed to follow the instructions. Repeat until your face comes into view.

“Grey flannels or fawn slacks should be worn to complement the white shirt and blue tie. A blazer or barathea is appropriate though again a dark colour is preferable, navy blue, black or royal blue. Shiny double breasted buttons are of course a must.”

“The hair parting is the piece de resistance, always to the right of the head and never to close to the centre or to the ears. That is for homosexuals or foreigners. Ill smelling hair lotions should be avoided that too is strictly for homosexuals or foreigners.”

“Brylcreem is more than adequate but be sure to be conservative when applying it.”

A Welder’s Tale is available from all good bookshops today.

Original by Steve Clark

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Celtic had one or two decent players but as a team they amounted to nothing. Crerand was decent as was big John Hughes, but that was about it.

We used to love humiliating them, rubbing their noses in it. Back then they knew their place.

The 1963 cup final replay was a great day, when we got the third goal ensuring their end of Hampden emptied in minutes. They could never accept a beating from us, self respect was not in them.

We had loads of money and they had none, that was why all their best players left them. Then came Stein. I have never understood why a man of his background could have ever played for them never mind manage them.

It’s wrong to speak ill of the dead, but it has to be said Stein was a traitor. By associating himself with Celtic he gave away his birthright and nationality.

But at Celtic even intelligent strong willed people cannot stand up to their constant brainwashing. That is what happened to Jock Stein, he sold his soul for a few pounds

Stein was a good manager, there can be no doubt about that. However, he benefited from being able to sign Catholics whereas we couldn’t for historical reasons which made sense at the time, and still make sense today.

We have to remember that way back then there were no coloureds  in Scotland, and there was only one true religion. Sadly, like our glorious signing policy that has been consigned to the dustbin. Was it wrong not to sign Catholics?

Of course not and some of my best friends are Catholic! Catholics were actually delighted that we had a non-Catholic policy as it gave them more to choose from, so all in all everybody was happy at the arrangement.

The sixties and seventies were hard times for Rangers supporters as we struggled on the field. Meanwhile, our kith and kin were being attacked in Ulster.

The worst was 1967 when Celtic won the European Cup against eleven unwilling, Italian Catholics. I wept that night, it was then that I knew we had entered a new permissive age. The Beatles, drugs, long hair, brown bread and slip on shoes.

Nothing would ever be the same again.

Original by Steve Clark

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A Uefa investigation has revealed last month’s violent scenes in Manchester were directly related to tensions arising from the Battle of the Boyne, which took place near the east coast of Ireland in 1690.

It is now believed the conflict was sparked not by a faulty big-screen television, but by a series of marginal differences over the correct method of worshipping Jesus.

Uefa said the violence then continued on and off for another 180 years until it was formalised with the establishment of Rangers Football Club in 1872.

Jean-Marie Le Blanc, Uefa’s head of riots, said: “The violence in Manchester has deep, complex and incredibly stupid roots.

“It seems to based on an entrenched hostility towards Papal doctrine and an insatiable lust for the blood of ‘fenians’.”

He added: “If we want to prevent this kind of violence we must establish a single, agreed method for the worship of Jesus across the continent of Europe.

“Oh yeah, and booze - don’t give them any booze.

Original Article: Link

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Kenny also made it clear that he had a score to settle with Celtic chief executive Peter Lawwell, who he accuses of ” humiliating and belittling’ him, by forcing him out at club where he was happy and felt at home.

Miller also feels that he has the mental strength to take on the few doubters at Ibrox who question both his ability and his loyalty to Rangers.

Kenny believes that his dynamic pace coupled with Kris Boyd’s predatory instincts will go a long way to addressing Rangers goal drought.

Nacho Novo was unavailable for comment as he is away on international duty in Austria with the Spanish squad. However, Miller’s signing gives Walter Smith an embarrassing richness in goal scorers.

Daniel Cousin, Jean-Claude Darcehville, Kris Boyd, Chris Burke, Kenny Miller, Lee McCulloch and we still haven’t included the youngsters poised to jockey for the two front positions at Rangers.

It seems that Gers have thrown down the gauntlet, just how will Celtic respond?

Original by SB

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The Evening Telegraph reports that “Ibrox boss Walter Smith has been impressed by skipper Lee Wilkie’s form over the last year”

It would appear Wilkie could well be Gers 3rd major signing of the close season as Walter Smith looks to strengthen his squad.

Having signed the fabulous Kenny Miller and Andrius Velicka within the last few days, Ibrox boss Walter is hoping to make Wilkie, his third summer capture.

This is not a hoax. It can be verified here: link

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Rangers supermo, Sir David Murray has not been seen or heard from in recent weeks, since jammy Celtic won the league and rioting Chelsea fans trod all over the Gers Euro dreams in Manchester, but that doesn’t mean Britain’s most respected football ubermeister hasn’t been busy.

In fact, we can exclusively reveal that Sir David has summoned many of Europe’s top club supremos to a high-level meeting at the European Championships, to set out his vision for European Football.

Also on the agenda are plans for Gers to join an elite group of Europe’s largest and most respected football teams in a new super league with top level discussions at an advanced stage.

Sir David flew out in his private jet only last week, after ordering his lieutenant, Martin Bain, to request attendance from the big cheeses of Bayern Munich, Real Madrid, Milan and Ajax at the summit.

However after a series of late call offs which could not have been avoided, Bain turned his attention to some clubs slightly lower down the pecking order. It is thought such high-profile, dignified clubs as Rot-Weiss Klagenfurt, Dinamo Tirana, Saschen Leipzig and Rotor Volgograd may turn up.

Chief amongst Sir David’s demands will be the creation of a new European super-league, where only Gers are allowed to choose referees, and where any team who have ginger-haired, aggressive-type midfielders will not be allowed to play.

Sir David does not only have European domination on his agenda. It emerged last night that Gers are on the verge of completing an audacious bid that will see a Rangers player head for Siberia, with one of Russia’s top defenders heading in the opposite direction.

Late last night, negotiations with FC Tom-Tomsk were at an advanced stage. It is thought Kirk Broadfoot may be heading there in a multi-million pound swap deal that will see a top-level Russian defender arrive at Ibrox, rocking Scottish football and preparing the way for Rangers’ assault on Europe.

Original by Oscar.

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A European trophy final says much about a team, but most simply it says :‘Footballing Giants’, and it is against this backdrop that Walter Smith struts into Europe’s premier tournament brandishing Sir David Murray’s chequebook, and with a burning desire to take Rangers back to where they belong, Europe’s Roll of Honour.

With Rangers re-established as one of Europe’s top teams, Walter has the luxury of time that his rival, studio-bound and locked into a time-consuming BBC contract, does not.

Were it not for circumstance, and a sordid affair over the SFA’s refusal to accommodate Rangers’ success, choosing instead to penalise them for it, Rangers would rightly be summering as Champions of Scotland.

With a championship winning side at home, Walter knows only too well that he can afford to hold off and wait for the very best in Europe to become available.

With rumours abounding in Edmiston Drive that Walter and his backroom staff are running their eye over Fabio Grosso and the highly rated French striker, Thierry Henry, the Rangers support have much to be excited about this summer, despite the failure of England to qualify.

While Europe’s top teams squabble with agents and stubborn counterparts, the cucumber-cool business sense of Sir David Murray, one of the most impressive figures in European industry, is well placed to stamp his mark on the transfer market this summer.

If justice is done, his footprints will be all over this competition, and the finest players it has to offer.

Gordon Strachan, watching on detached from a stuffy studio, will be worried.

– by Campbell Stewart

Original by GB

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The pacey, intelligent full back, renowned for his long throw-ins, joined the Gers from St Mirren in the close season last year, and in a glittering start to his Ibrox career, just missed out on making the shortlist for the SFA Player of the Year awards.

An Ibrox source confirmed that Spurs agents had been seen at Ibrox in the past few months of the season, though rumours that they were trying to give Alan Hutton back were quashed by Sir David Murray—who was apparently tucking into a platter of guinea fowl, potatoes dauphinoise and petit pois—as ‘nonsense.’

“We are probably now the biggest institution in Scotland due to the falling numbers of the established Church in Scotland and as such, we can never look back,” said Sir David. “Therefore, rumours that Alan Hutton was being smuggled into Ibrox under the cover of darkness; that we had to prise his fingers from the marble staircase and had to pay for a cheap SPT berth for him back down to London is complete nonsense.”

Spurs are also said to be mulling over bids, thought to be in the region of £9million for Allan McGregor, Sasa Papac, Dean Furman, Billy the Groundsman and Sammy the tea-man. When asked of Spurs interest, a spokesperson for Juande Ramos declined to comment. Although he did started laughing, then convulsing, before hanging up on myself. The man clearly has no dignity.

by Campbell Brown Williams III

Original by BB

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